Now that this blog's original purpose is over, I suppose I can start using it however I want. I no longer need it to post literary reflections, or write journals about slightly frustrating prompts. I can write whatever I want, and I can totally use personal pronouns. The point now is to keep my life sorted out in my own mind, and maybe share some of the things I create with whoever should happen to stumble upon them.
Today is the first day of finals, and I am not as worried about it as I usually am. I have already taken all of my AP tests, which takes a lot of the pressure off. The only finals that should be any kind of problem are in physics and pre-calc, but even then I can't get myself to take them seriously. Maybe all of the stress I've been under over the last few weeks has finally desensitized me to stressful situations. I guess a person can only take so much worrying before they give up, and let be what will be. Anyway, I am really enjoying the calmness of it.
On top of all the studying I need to get done this weekend, for once in my pitiful life I have a lot of social type things planned. What I'm really looking forward to is playing at the high school graduation. I mean, we have to play Pomp and Circumstance around a million times, but we are also playing a few of our concert pieces. I love playing in the band so much. It's not even that I love playing saxophone so much as that I love being a part of creating music, and when the rest of the band is in tune and playing everything well I think that I could play saxophone for the rest of my life, as long as I am playing with other people who care about the music.
But then reality hits me like the terrible person it is. Everyone expects too much of me for me to become a musician, and I expect too much of myself. I know I can do something really great with my life, and being a musician would be wasting a lot of my talent. Not to mention how hard it is to make a living as a musician. It's only in really big cities that musicians get paid, and even then only for performances. I just have to keep music as a cherished hobby.