Something New

Now that this blog's original purpose is over, I suppose I can start using it however I want. I no longer need it to post literary reflections, or write journals about slightly frustrating prompts.  I can write whatever I want, and I can totally use personal pronouns.  The point now is to keep my life sorted out in my own mind, and maybe share some of the things I create with whoever should happen to stumble upon them. 

Today is the first day of finals, and I am not as worried about it as I usually am.  I have already taken all of my AP tests, which takes a lot of the pressure off.  The only finals that should be any kind of problem are in physics and pre-calc, but even then I can't get myself to take them seriously.  Maybe all of the stress I've been under over the last few weeks has finally desensitized me to stressful situations.  I guess a person can only take so much worrying before they give up, and let be what will be.  Anyway, I am really enjoying the calmness of it.

On top of all the studying I need to get done this weekend, for once in my pitiful life I have a lot of social type things planned.  What I'm really looking forward to is playing at the high school graduation.  I mean, we have to play Pomp and Circumstance around a million times, but we are also playing a few of our concert pieces.  I love playing in the band so much.  It's not even that I love playing saxophone so much as that I love being a part of creating music, and when the rest of the band is in tune and playing everything well I think that I could play saxophone for the rest of my life, as long as I am playing with other people who care about the music.

But then reality hits me like the terrible person it is.  Everyone expects too much of me for me to become a musician, and I expect too much of myself.  I know I can do something really great with my life, and being a musician would be wasting a lot of my talent.  Not to mention how hard it is to make a living as a musician.  It's only in really big cities that musicians get paid, and even then only for performances.  I just have to keep music as a cherished hobby.